Protecting the Home from Shaytaan - Part 2

‘Perfecting the Muslim Family’ Lecture Series by Aboo Tasneem Daawood Adeeb
December 2004, Toronto, Canada

Be Strict in Adhering to a Schedule (Specific Times) for Meals and Bedtime
Unfortunately, many families in North America have ceased to eat together and months go by with the father not sitting down to eat with his wife and children. The lifestyle in the West has become disoriented, where people eat at any given time.
On top of this, the North American home and even the homes of the Muslims have become like hotels where people come in and go out at any time they want and they eat at any time they want.
If you don’t have a set schedule for eating and sleeping this can cause major problems in the home. Therefore, whenever the children get to an appropriate age the head of the household should be strict in setting the time to eat for every person in that house and must be strict in terms of when they come back home to the house.
Some children have made their parents slaves to them. This is one of the explanations of the part in the hadeeth of Jibreel (‘alayhi salaam) where he asked the Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam): "Tell me of its (the Hour) Signs." The Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said: "That you will find a slave girl giving birth to her master."
(Reported by Muslim)
Some ‘ulema say the meaning of this is that the children in the socities will become so rebellious that their parents will become like slaves to them. This happens even in the households of the Muslims. So the head of the house must be strict in the times of meals and bedtime.

Re-Evaluating the Woman’s Work Outside of the Home
There will be some cases where a woman will have to work outside of the home but we do not promote this. The ‘ulema have agree that the place for the woman is in the house as Allaah (Azzawajall) says:
"And stay in your homes."
This is the ‘asl of the woman, to stay in their homes. Some say that this is the only aayaat regarding the woman not going out.
In this regard there is the hadeeth of ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood (radiAllaahu anhu) where he said to the people at the Ka’bah: "I am going to answer this day all the questions in the Qur’aan." So one woman said: "You say that the woman who tattoos is cursed and I have read the Qur’aan from cover to cover and I have never read this."
He (radiAllaahu anhu) said: "You haven’t read the Qur’aan." The meaning of this statement was that she hadn’t read the Qur’aan with the proper understanding.
So he explained that the man or woman who tattoos is cursed in the Qur’aan, and said: "Have you not read the saying of Allaah: "Whatever the Messenger of Allaah gives you then take it and whatever the Messenger of Allaah forbids you then abstain from it." Then he mentioned a hadeeth from Saheeh Muslim forbidding tattooing: "Allaah has cursed the one who gives the tattoo and the one who is tattooed."
So this hadeeth goes back to the aayaah where Allaah (subhanuhu wa ta’ala) says: "Whatever the Messenger of Allaah gives you then take it and whatever the Messenger of Allaah forbids you then abstain from it." Therefore, it is in the Qur’aan.
Imaam ash-Shaafi’ee (rahimahullaah) did something similar to this when someone came to him and said: "You say that it says in the Qur’aan that a wasp can be killed at the Ka’ban. I’ve read the Qur’aan from cover to cover and I’ve never read this."
He (rahimahullaah) said: "You haven’t read the Qur’aan." Then he recited the same aayaah. Then he mentioned the hadeeth of the Prophet (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) where he said: "There will be two people that will come after me, follow both of them. They are Aboo Bakr and ‘Umar." Then Imaam ash-Shaafi’ee (rahimahullaah) mentioned the narration where ‘Umar (radiAllaahu anhu) said it is permissible to kill a wasp at the Kab’ah.
So the statement of ‘Umar goes back tot he statement of the Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam), which goes back to the statement of Allaah (Azzawajall). Therefore, killing a wasp at the Ka’bah is in the Qur’aan.
So with regard to a woman going out of her house, we have the aayaah where Allaah (tabaaraka wa ta’ala) said:
"And when he arrived at the water of Madyan (Midian) he found there a group of men watering (their flocks), and besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks). He said: "What is the matter with you?" They said: "We cannot water (our flocks) until the shepherds take (their flocks). And our father is a very old man."
(al-Qasas 28:23)
In this aayaah, Moosaa (‘alayhi salaam) was on a journey and say two women walking out in the fields and said to them: "What are you doing out here?!" The meaning of his statement is: "Why are you outside working?"
So they said that their father is an old man and can’t do it himself, so if he wasn’t so old they wouldn’t be outside working. So that was their excuse for being outside.
There are other pearls in this Soorah. For example, Allaah (Azzawajall) says:
"Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly."
(al-Qasas 28:25)
Ibn Katheer (rahimahullaah) mentions of this that ‘shyly’ means ‘with her face covered’.
Another pearl is that the father gave one of his daughters in marriage as a payment for what Moosaa (‘alayhi salaam) did for him. So the father was not prejudice against his race or tribe or ethnicity but saw that he was a man of good character and piety.
So there are some excuses for the woman working outside but if we really want to perfect the Muslim family, she should stay in the home where she can concentrate on her children.
As an example, if one works full-time for 40 hours per week, this work out to 1920 hours per year. If you take away sick time and vacation time we can round this to approximately 1800 hours per year. In a 5-year period this works out to 9000 hours.
So these wives who work outside of the house are taking 9000 hours away from their children and instead 9000 hours are being used up by another person with the child. So someone else is nurturing, teaching and training the child in this time other than the child’s first teacher and nurse. So this needs to be considered.
So there are some cases where the woman has to work but the ideal situation is for her to be in her home.

Keeping the Secrets (Confidentiality)
We should not divulge what we ourselves and our spouse do in the home and we should keep the secrets of the children as well. We should conceal their sins and shortcomings. The secrets of the house should not be revealed, especially the intimate details of intercourse between the husband and the wife.

Spreading Kindness in the Home
‘Aa’ishah (radiAllaahu anhaa) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said:
"When Allaah wills good towards some people of a household He introduces kindness amongst them."
The narrations in which the Prophet (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) displayed kindness are in abundance. For example, there is the narration where the man was watching the Messenger (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) kiss Hasan or Husayn (or both) and he said: "I have 10 sons and I have never kissed any of them."
There are many benefits in this hadeeth since it shows how some men are towards boys. It also shows the compassion of the Messenger (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) because he said: "Whoever doesn’t show mercy will not be shown mercy (from Allaah)."
It also shows that mercy is not restricted to human beings but includes animals. The Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said: "When you kill the animal take the animal away from the other animals." And he said to the one who does not do this: "Are you going to kill it twice?"
In another narration, the Prophet (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) saw a horse one day with smoke coming out of its nostrils. He went to the owner and said: "Who did this to him? The horse told me that the owner did it to him." And he said: "When you brand, brand on the back."
‘Abdullaah ibn Abbaas (radiAllaahu anhu) said about this hadeeth: "And the Prophet (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) was the first to brand on the backside of the animal."
There is also the hadeeth:
"The sparrow that was killed for sport on the Day of Judgement will bear witness that this person killed it unjustly."
So if we treat animals this way, how much more should we treat our children and wives.

Playing Around & Being Affectionate Towards Members of the Family
When the Prophet (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) came into Madeenah the children would meet him on the outskirts of the city and he would carry them back inside. He would take water in his mouth and then spit it on to the children by making a fountain. Also, he would tickle the children and make jokes with them.
One example of this is when he (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said to the brother of Anas ibn Maalik (radiAllaahu anhu), jokingly:"O ‘Umayr, what happened to your little bird?"
Some of the ‘ulema have written books comprising 60 benefits of this one statement.

Resisting Bad Manners in the Home
Every member of the household is bound to have some bad traits. These characteristics must be resisted, opposed and destroyed. The Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said:
"Hang the whip where the members of the household can see it."
(Aboo Nu’aym in al-Hilyah, Silsilah as-Saheehah #1446)
The ‘ulema, and from them is Imaam al-Manaawee, say that this doesn’t mean whipping your children and it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean whipping your children. Rather, this is a means to cause fear in the children.
Disciplining your children is very important in Islaam but whipping them should be the very last resort. If you begin to whip them at a young age they will very probably become immune to it. Hitting them in the face or whipping them with harmful objects (ie: extension cords) is haraam.
The ‘ulema have stipulated guidelines in disciplining children. If it comes to the point where the children become so unruly that you have to discipline them in this way, you cannot leave any marks on their bodies, break any bones, or hit over ten times at one time (there is a narration for this also).

Beware of the Dangers of TV
Television is a one-eyed monster with the ability to do many evil things. Generally, we know the Muslim who is trying to perfect his family will get rid of the TV altogether. Some think this is extremism but we should try to get rid of this as much as we can and if we can’t then we should limit it as much as we can. Another thing we should beware of is the evils of the telephone.

Removing Pictures of Animate & Inanimate Objects from the Home
Some people think this is also extremism but it is not because when you look at the history of pictures and images you will find that there was no shirk in the history of mankind for ten generations (‘Aadam to Nooh) until there were images.
Some of the benefits of removing the pictures from the home are that the angels will visit you when the images are defaced. The Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) explained to us:
"The angels do not enter a house where there are pictures or where there are dogs."
And in another narration: "…where there are bells."
And in another narration: "…where there are leapord skins."
And in another narration: "…where there are tiger skins."
If the angels don’t visit these houses, the Shayateen will be the ones to replace them. So the reason why we have so much confusion in our homes is because we have repelled the angels and invited the Shayateen to come instead.

Not Spending A Lot of Time Decorating Our Homes
This is because we should be as though we are travellers in this dunyaa. We have become too attached to the dunyaa and as a result it is always calling us.
Allaah (subhanuhu wa ta’ala) says:
"Surely Allaah does not love the wasters."

Don’t Allow People to Smoke in Your Homes
This goes for cigarettes, cigars, hookahs, etc.

Choose the Neighbour Before the House
If you have the ability you should choose the neighbour before you move into the house as the Arabs say: "Choose the neighbour before the house."
We should choose a good neighbour. According to one narration, the neighbour is everyone 40 houses to the left of you, 40 houses to the right of you, 40 houses in front of you and 40 houses behind you.
The Messenger of Allaah (salAllaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) said:
"O Allaah! I seek refuge from you from a bad neighbour in my permanent house or from a neighbour in the desert."
And in another hadeeth he said:
"We should seek refuge with Allaah from an evil neighbour in a permanent house because the neighbourhood in the desert will eventually move on."

Taking Care of the Family’s Health and Safety
So the head of the household and the wife should take care of the family’s health and safety procedures, including making sure they get proper optical, dental and medical check-ups, and taking all precautions to make the home safe.
This is one of the reasons why we say in the Qunoot of Witr prayer:
"O Allaah! Guide us with those who you have guided and give us good health with those who you have given good health…"
Shaykh al-‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah) said that good health here means physical health as well as spiritual health.


transcription courtesy of Umm Ruqayyah